best friend

not the stuff i wanted to write about but oh well

i'm watching project runway and the challenge is to create "chic" maternity clothing. the models have to wear these silly prosthetic bellies. then i started thinking about whether there are clothes specifically made for hunchbacks. google didn't provide any answers. anyway, that would be cool and also kinda funny looking. my high school spanish teacher had a little hump in her back. i can't remember her name. a search of my high school to try to figure it out turned up their web site:
...i didn't realize it was as lauded as it apparently is. i was a terrible student then, but i guess i learned stuff. we had some really pointless nothing classes though- inquiry skills! theory of knowledge! they sound so contrived.

i started classes this week. i decided to take an upper level economics class as an elective. i already like it a lot. i really wish i had realized how much i love economics earlier. i had a blanket econ course in HS, but it was only one semester (and bundled with govt) and all we did was monitor stocks. weird because that's not really even economics. my teacher for that class had one and a half arms. birth defect, not amputation. she had tiny finger things on the baby arm and used to hold things in it, cookies and tissues and whatever. this is pretty terrifying when you are 14.

i'm going to atlanta tomorrow to visit my family; seven hour drive. this will be my first very long car trip alone in like four years. i am a little spooked, but it should be fine. speaking of being spooked, i've been really weirdly worried lately. it's like anytime i'm in a potentially dangerous situation, i can visualize the worst case scenario. examples: getting off of a highway exit when there is a steep curve in the road, walking on wet pavement in shoes with worn soles, going down stairs with no (or blocked) railing. i can see myself bloody, losing teeth, cracked skull, broken bones, coupled with public humiliation and despair. i need to start carrying xanax around in my bag.


i feel like i might pass out. i am running on three fitful hours of sleep, whatever alcohol remains in my system from last night, no food, antidepressants, and xanax. anyone want to guess how my past 24-hours have been?

i'm not going to denver after all. i was supposed to leave this tuesday. that whole thing fell apart last night/this morning. unsalvageable, no scrap value. what a waste of time, money, energy, and sweetness.

my mom is stopping in on her way from miami to atlanta. she'll be here in a few minutes. she's bringing me guava and cheese pasteles, cuban bread, and cafe con leche. this is the best part of my life right now.

i really wish i didn't have two weeks to stew before school starts again.
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    hands up, lloyd banks
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best friend

(no subject)

While wikipedia'ing in a spiral, I found the story below. This just seems incredibly sweet to me.

On 24 March 1975, Alex Mitchell, a 50-year-old bricklayer from King's Lynn, England, had died laughing while watching the Kung Fu Kapers episode of The Goodies, featuring a Scotsman in a kilt battling a vicious black pudding with his bagpipes. After twenty-five minutes of continuous laughter Mr. Mitchell finally slumped on the sofa and expired from heart failure. His widow later sent the Goodies a letter thanking them for making Mr. Mitchell's final moments of life so pleasant.
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    love and some verses, iron and wine
best friend

open late

my honey butter thaws
and listless fingers mash a knife into it
someone's mother pushes the screen door open
her heavy hip slugging the iron frame
smoke shifts across the ceiling tiles,
a cell phone buzzes

the floor lamp draws insects as the sky dims
i swat and the palms outside shuffle
all of us try and fail at zippo tricks
the lighter dies, we switch to matches
a humid haze swallows up the flame
and i can't recognize it anymore

pool cues bob along in the swimming pool
pinching the hem of my shirt,
i follow their wiggling shadows
an argument is settled and glasses clink
a girl i don't know dips a waffle in the butter puddle,
smiles, and asks the time
  • Current Music
    the way we get by
on your knees bitches


i got the worst out of the way today, accounting and marketing. officially DONE with four classes; two more final exams to go. what am i going to do with myself when i have nothing left to fuss over?
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    anxious anxious